just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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