Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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