I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
