ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
