Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
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