Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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