Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I will be naked everywhere
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
