A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
