Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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