I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
