Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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