so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
