just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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