So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
