yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
