Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
