Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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