It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
