wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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