I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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