my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
