he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
