What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
