We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
