i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
