you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
