For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
