I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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