I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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