when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
