my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
