My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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