I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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