OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
