Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
