"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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