I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
