i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
