I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
