i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We have started to decorate penises.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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