The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
