I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
