I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
