she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
