how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
