Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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