Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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