Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
