Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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