capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
