I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
