you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
