I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
