Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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