I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
